The Workplace Bully
How to deal with a Tyrant.
At one point or time in most individuals’ lives, they have encountered a bully. For most the thoughts of bullies are like a distant memory of being in elementary school or high school. However, some individuals have never left high school and those bullies are lurking in the shadows at work. They can elicit emotions of fear, anger, and humiliation. Most working adults enter the workforce with the expectation of general workplace stress, such as meeting performance standards or developing a budget plan. Adding a bully to the mix doesn’t help decrease this stress. No one deserves to feel like they are entering a hostile work environment that is invoked by your coworkers.
According to the Workplace Bullying Institution, over 76.3 million United States workers are affected by workplace bullying. This may be due to being directly targeted or indirectly affecting the workplace. It affects a corporation’s ability to meet timelines for projects, affects the cost of production, and most of all, the morale of the employees. So, how do we address this obnoxious behavior?
1. You Did Nothing Wrong- You might be wondering why this bully has targeted you out of all other team members. It can be hard to not overthink about what action, word, or interaction you had with this person that has led to this uncomfortable workplace experience. If you are a person that identifies as a minority, has a disability, or works in a particular gender-dominated field; might be factors as to why you are being targeted. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed for being you. You are unique and qualified for your job. Always remember the problem isn’t you, it is the bully.
2. Bring Awareness to the Unwanted Behavior-Most bullies are aware of their behavior. However, it is important to inform that individual of the unwelcome mannerisms in the workplace. Politely confronting the issue can help eliminate any future conflict and limit you from being a target at work. You can attempt to bring awareness to the individual on what topic/action/word is making you uncomfortable. For example, you could say “Hey Bill, I really didn’t appreciate how you introduced me to the client when presenting the members of the team. You called everyone else by Mr. or Ms.; however, I felt dismissed when you referred to me as the “IT guy”.”
3. Stand Your Ground- After you have brought awareness of what is the unwanted behavior, make sure to stand up to the bully. Being assertive and professional can go hand in hand. The more willing you are to stand your ground at work, the more likely the bully will not undermine you.
4. Pen & Paper- Write down every interaction- If you have a repeat bully offender, take note of every interaction you had with this person. Writing can help you in several ways. It can help you penpoint down why you are being targeted. Figuring out why the bully’s behavior started might help you understand how to confront the individual. Did the behavior start from day one at work or did it slowly change due to an interaction at the workplace? Is it because of your disability and your request for accommodation in the workplace? Was the root cause because you are in a same-sex marriage and brought cookies made by your home-chef baker? Did you strike a nerve with that workplace bully because you mentioned your immigrant parents? People in the workplace have biases, some individuals struggle to self-regulate their biases. Secondly, change how you correspond to this person. Try to avoid verbal discussion without a trusted third-party present. If you can stick to email, computer IM, or a work cellphone text. This can benefit you in the long run. Remember to be professional, even when that individual is not. Keep in mind what you reply in that written context can also be used against you in filed HR complaint.
5. Find an Ally- You are not alone, I repeat; YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are being targeted by a workplace bully, the probability your bully is targeting other employees is high. Investigate if others have experienced the same behavior as you. Take a moment to talk to other employees in different departments and ask general questions about workplace bullying. Make sure not to vent about your gripes about this person. Rather, use the technique of open-ended questions to gather information. For example, don’t say “Man, I got to work with Jerk John again. He is always interrupting me in the team meetings and commenting on how I dress at work!” instead say “Hi Sally, I have a big project to do this summer and John is on my team. I hear you worked with him last fall on the launch of the Zimmie Project. What are your thoughts on his leadership style in a team setting?” More likely than not, that coworker is going to give you the information you need to determine if they are an ally or not. Once you find an ally, make sure to focus on building each other up.
6. The Union- Maybe your supervisor or general manager is the bully. The Universe has blessed us with the Union. If you happen to be in a company that has a Union, sign up! I had to use the Union in several federal jobs where I faced workplace discrimination (a topic for another post). Union representatives are the backbone of blue-collar workers. Anyone can join a Union. According to the Department of Labor, even immigrant workers can join a union and no employer can retaliate against the employee for doing so. Unions focus on higher wages, health insurance, vacation days, paid sick leave, and retirement benefits. They also can act as mediators when you are meeting with a supervisor. Request for your Union Rep to be present when you meet one on one with a supervisor.
7. Don’t Make Yourself a Target- I encourage individuals that have a bully to always have a third party present when you have to talk to the individual causing you grief. Your behavior can encourage how that workplace bully is going to react to you. If your body language or tone of voice is showing your dislike for the individual; that bully might attempt to egg you on even more in the moment. Sometimes, a polite smile and head nod will deflect the behaviors of the workplace bully.
8. Human Resources- HR is a resource that should be accessible to you as an employee. If you elect to file a grievance with HR, you should utilize this with some caution and awareness. HR represents the company as opposed to the Union, which represents the employee. HR focuses on the organization, which includes providing employees with training. Instead of filing a grievance against the bully, I suggest first requesting a refresher training course for your team. Most organizations require employees to complete several hours of ethics training. This training can focus on cultural awareness and anti-discrimination employment laws. You could request your manager to inquire about HR ethics training for the team. This could help curb bad behavior in the workplace. HR also must make sure to abide by Equal Employment Opportunity and safeguard protected-class employees from workplace harassment. Some organizations uphold these policies as a higher ethical standard than others.
9. QUIT- If you have tried everything to resolve the issue, including directly confronting the individual, HR training, third-party intervention, etc., it might be time to throw the towel in. This should only be done if your employer is not willing to write up or fire that bully. Your mental health is more important than a job. I know that is hard to read. Even harder to believe is quitting when you need to make a living. However, there will be an employer out there that will value your expressed concerns when you face a workplace bully. A future employer/manager will see that zero tolerance means zero tolerance for workplace harassment, hazing, bullying, and discrimination.
- B. Jordan
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